A New Definition

"Someday my RM will come." Something I wrote in my journal back when I was in high school. I now look back on it and laugh. I'm not dissing on the quote itself, just my state of mind when I wrote those words down on paper and swore to marry a returned missionary. In young women's, I was always taught that I should aspire to marry a man who has served a mission. In seminary, I was taught that I should marry a "Moroni Man". Some may not be familiar with the term, but a "Moroni Man" has a lot of very admirable qualities, one being that they served a mission. It was something that I really took to heart back then.

I think those who choose to serve a mission are great. It takes a lot of selflessness and strength to serve a worthy mission, and I applaud those who choose to do so. To dedicate 18 months to 2 years of your life to hasten the work of the Lord is very admirable. Missionaries make it possible for families all over the world to be together forever and I love that. 

To serve a mission is a wonderful thing to do, but serving does not make you better than those who have not. Serving a mission doesn't make someone better fit to be a husband or wife than someone who took a different route. I'm so glad I realized this when I went to college. 

Flash forward to now: On March 18, 2017 I married an amazing, loving, righteous, and respectful man. Those are just a few of the many, many admirable qualities Sa has. He meets all of the criteria of the type of "Moroni Man" I was taught about in seminary, but he did not serve a mission. Do you know what I have to say about that? WHO CARES. Sa took a different path and enlisted in the military right after high school. He grew and was shaped into the man he is today by learning discipline and hard work. He has been through so much and has grown through his experiences. He is one of the best people I have met, and my new definition of a "Moroni Man". 

I want to break the myth that serving a mission makes someone better or more righteous than someone else. There are so many examples of wonderful men in my life who never served missions. My husband, my Uncle Frank, and my favorite bishop are a few I can name off the top of my head. They are all sublime examples of righteous men and I am so lucky to have them in my life. 

Ladies, please don't close your hearts and minds to the idea of marrying someone who did not serve a mission. There are various reasons for not serving. Health issues, whether that be mental or physical health, personal struggles, and may others. Sometimes serving a mission is just not for everyone. I once had a friend who said she would never marry someone who hasn't served because she holds herself to a high standard. Don't be like that! By having that kind of mindset, you could be closing yourself off to meeting some really incredible people. I'm not saying everyone should ditch their dreams of marrying an RM, just don't limit yourself. Rather, focus on marrying someone who respects you, loves Heavenly Father, and tries their best every single day to be more like our Savior Jesus Christ. You're not too good for anyone.

I think that if 15-year-old Chas could see who I ended up with, she would be pretty proud regardless of that cheesy quote she thought she would swear by.

 Sa will serve a mission someday, and it will be with me by his side. 

Who am I to judge another?

So today as I sifted through the magnificent realm of the twitterverse (did you catch my sarcasm?), I stumbled across a post that really just put me in a mood. Not a good mood. One of those moods that makes me super irritable and upset. That's never a good thing.

The post was from a fellow LDS member, and she was talking negatively of the LGBT community. YES, yes, I knoooow. I know what the church's stance is in the subject. I know that not everyone agrees with it, and that's fine. I know that there are so many differences in opinion when it comes to this subject. That's okay! I respect those opinions. Your opinions are yours, my opinions are mine. But this lady was straight up cruel. People were cruel back to her. It was a big huge thread of contention and I wish I never read it. Every single message. But I did, and that's why I'm here typing away on my trusty old blog.

If you don't agree with the way some people live their lives, buck up and keep it to yourself. If you don't agree with others opinions on how you live your life, same goes for you. Why does it matter?? Is the way someone else wants to live affecting you? No? Then stop!

There was one comment in particular that drove me mad. I won't go into detail, but it was along the lines of saying who gets to go to the celestial kingdom, and who won't be going. (Imagine me clapping between every word here) THAT. IS. NOT. FOR. YOU. TO. DECIDE. The Lord is the only one who can judge any of us for our actions here on this earth. I have no idea who will go where. And that's okay, because it's not my job to decide that. It's my job to do all that I can to get where I want to be in the hereafter.

This is why I got so upset. As member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are taught to love our neighbors. Everyone! Show compassion even if we have differences. Our job is to spread the gospel to as many people as we can. That doesn't mean you need to baptize everyone you meet, or get 500 people to read the Book of Mormon. It also means carrying Christ's name upon us in a pleasing way. I don't know about you guys, but I can't really see the Son of God putting people down on social media because he doesn't agree with the way someone lives. He would show love, compassion, and overall respect. I just wish so badly that we could all try to do that. REALLY try! Can you imagine how much better things would be if we could all accept each other's differences and still love each other?

This topic really hit home for me. I have so many people in my life who are members of the LGBT community. I want them to know I love them. We may have differences, but we have overcome those and I'm so glad! I can't imagine my life without each and every one of those individuals.

For those of you in any situation who have felt judged or mistreated by a member of our church, I sincerely apologize. I hope you can see that for one judgemental person in the church, there are heaps and heaps more that are SO loving and caring for everyone, regardless of different opinions. Come talk to me sometime.

There are worse things in life than having a different opinion that someone else. I accidentally bought waterproof mascara at the store today! Terrible. I guess all I'm trying to say here is can we please try to focus more on respect and compassion, and not acting self-righteous and judgemental? I think it's a sublime idea. I KNOW we can do better than this.

He knows.

So I'm not gonna lie, I was super overwhelmed by the out-pour of love and support from my last post. I honestly didn't expect very many people to read it, but tons of people did and I am so surprised! I am so blessed to have so many people in my life that show me such love and support throughout my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I decided that I will probably never give myself the title of "blogger", but I think that if a topic or event comes up that seems worth sharing, I might as well share it because you never know who might need to read something. Maybe I can help people grow from my posts or who knows, maybe I'll grow too. We shall see. :)
Now to the point of this post!

So lately I have been going through some things. They've been kind of hard on me and I've honestly felt kind of lost. I've had a pretty rough time and I just don't know why. Everything has just seemed to be going in slow motion in my life while everyone else's lives seem to be so great and happy and perfect. Which I know that nobody has a perfect life, but I'm a human being so I do compare myself a lot. Where am I going in life? What is my purpose? Why do I feel so stuck? Just WHY?! Pretty frustrating. I feel like I've just been going through the motions and not really feeling a whole lot of anything lately.

Well tonight I got back from hanging out with my friends and I see an envelope sitting on the couch. It's from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and it says patriarchal blessing on the front. For those of you not familiar with the LDS church, a patriarchal blessing is a blessing given to a worthy member of the church that is basically like a map for your life. It gives promised blessings that you will receive if you live a righteous life, and also gives guidance for your future. So when I saw the envelope I just thought to myself, "What? I already got mine back in high school. Why are they sending me another copy?" Well, I sat down and opened it, and to my surprise, it's my Grandpa Lusk's blessing.

A few months ago I was exploring lds.org and I came across a page where you can request the blessing of a deceased ancestor. I thought it would be really cool to read my grandpa's, so I requested it and then completely forgot about it after that day.

I started reading it and this wave of emotions just hit me like a freight train. For those of you who don't know, my grandpa and I were very close. He was the only father figure I had growing up, and man was he amazing. One of the greatest people I've ever known. He passed away in 2006 from pancreatic cancer. The hardest, most heartbreaking day I can remember. I love him very much.

So as I'm reading this blessing, I'm seeing all of the amazing things promised to him if he stayed on the path of righteousness. I also start realizing that literally every single thing he was blessed with happened for him in his life. What a life he lived! Literally a testimony right in front of my eyes that if you keep the commandments and follow the Lord wholeheartedly, you will be blessed with countless wonders in your life.

After I finished reading my grandpa's blessing, I got a strong feeling that I needed to read my own. Honestly, it had been a while since I had done that. I immediately went up to my room and pulled mine out and read it. It's amazing how different parts of your blessing stand out to you at different times in your life. It's almost like the parts that you really need to read are highlighted for you when you need that guidance. I can't begin to explain how big of a blessing it is to have my patriarchal blessing to read when I feel lost, or need to make a big decision. I had forgotten about that tool that I have been given until tonight.

I just want all of you to know that the Lord knows when we are struggling. He knows when our hearts are heavy with burdens and sorrows and He also knows exactly how He can help us, not only so we can get through it, but so we can learn and grow on the way. I know that my recent struggles are not over after tonight, but I do know that after reading my personal blessing and feeling that love and comfort from my Heavenly Father, I can make it through these struggles and grow closer to Him in the process. I am so thankful for that knowledge. I feel so much more at ease after tonight, and it is all thanks to my Heavenly Father who knows me personally and loves me so, so much. What an amazing feeling that is.

Coming Clean

Not many people know this, and it's something I've really tried to hide my entire life. I'm really trying hard to work on accepting my background, so here it goes: My dad is in prison. *gasps from the audience* He has been there for 21 years, and if you did your math, that's correct! My whole life. My last memory of him in person was when I was very young. I talked to him on a phone and we were separated by glass. This may come as a shocker to a lot of you because my go-to answer when my peers, and even some of my friends, would ask, "Where is your dad?" I'd say, "Oh, he lives in Arizona." Which is not a lie, I just failed to mention the part where he lives in a correctional facility there. 

This has been a constant struggle my whole life. I've grown up in Utah, where the vast majority of my friends have happy little LDS families and both a mom and a dad raising them. I didn't really have that. Back then, my mom was into drugs and partying with her friends so Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Heather, (and for a while, Aunt Katrina:) had the absolute pleasure of raising the coolest kid to ever live: ME. I don't have a single complaint about that. They worked so hard to make me feel loved and make sure that I had everything I needed and more, and I can never thank them enough for that. My mom has come SO FAR!!! She has been reactivated in the church for a while now and recently went through the temple to receive her endowments. Something I never thought would happen, but she certainly proved me wrong and I am insanely proud of her for it. 

So, as you all have probably guessed, I was super jealous of my friends. SO jealous! Don't get me wrong, I LOVED living with my grandparents. They are two of the most amazing people you could ever meet! My Grandpa was a great father figure while he was alive, and I'm so glad that I was able to be raised by such an amazing priesthood holder. 

It's just different. You have to be in a situation similar to mine to be able to understand. It was like there was something missing. And it's still missing.

When I was younger, I didn't really understand it. I just knew my dad wasn't there. It wasn't until I was about nine or ten that I finally asked my grandma about it. She told me everything, and that was that. I didn't ask about it again. My dad tried to call when I was younger but I was so young that it felt weird to be talking to a stranger.

When I was around sixteen years old (maybe 17.. possibly 18) I got a letter in the mail. It was from my dad, and in it he talked about how sorry he was for not being there for me. It was really long, and for the first time in my life, I felt a connection to my dad. I started writing him back and after a while of being pen pals, I gave him my number so we could talk on the phone. We have been talking ever since. It's hard to do years and years of catching up over a 20 minute phone call once a week, and sometimes once every other week, but it has been nice. It's good to know that after all this time he is still trying to have a relationship with me. 

So there you have it, Chasity Riquel Lusk comes from a weird, messed up family! I guess I have just kept it a secret for so long because I was scared of what people would think of me, and I also didn't want anyone to judge my mom or dad, because despite everything, I do love them both very much. This is such a hard thing to talk about! I can't believe I am putting it out for the world to see, but I think that this will help me. I wouldn't change anything if I had the chance. I was born into these circumstances for a reason, and I know that I wouldn't be the Chasity that I am today if it weren't for all of this. I love my weird, messed up family and I'm grateful for the experiences I've had up to this point. They have helped me become the person I am today.