Coming Clean

Not many people know this, and it's something I've really tried to hide my entire life. I'm really trying hard to work on accepting my background, so here it goes: My dad is in prison. *gasps from the audience* He has been there for 21 years, and if you did your math, that's correct! My whole life. My last memory of him in person was when I was very young. I talked to him on a phone and we were separated by glass. This may come as a shocker to a lot of you because my go-to answer when my peers, and even some of my friends, would ask, "Where is your dad?" I'd say, "Oh, he lives in Arizona." Which is not a lie, I just failed to mention the part where he lives in a correctional facility there. 

This has been a constant struggle my whole life. I've grown up in Utah, where the vast majority of my friends have happy little LDS families and both a mom and a dad raising them. I didn't really have that. Back then, my mom was into drugs and partying with her friends so Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Heather, (and for a while, Aunt Katrina:) had the absolute pleasure of raising the coolest kid to ever live: ME. I don't have a single complaint about that. They worked so hard to make me feel loved and make sure that I had everything I needed and more, and I can never thank them enough for that. My mom has come SO FAR!!! She has been reactivated in the church for a while now and recently went through the temple to receive her endowments. Something I never thought would happen, but she certainly proved me wrong and I am insanely proud of her for it. 

So, as you all have probably guessed, I was super jealous of my friends. SO jealous! Don't get me wrong, I LOVED living with my grandparents. They are two of the most amazing people you could ever meet! My Grandpa was a great father figure while he was alive, and I'm so glad that I was able to be raised by such an amazing priesthood holder. 

It's just different. You have to be in a situation similar to mine to be able to understand. It was like there was something missing. And it's still missing.

When I was younger, I didn't really understand it. I just knew my dad wasn't there. It wasn't until I was about nine or ten that I finally asked my grandma about it. She told me everything, and that was that. I didn't ask about it again. My dad tried to call when I was younger but I was so young that it felt weird to be talking to a stranger.

When I was around sixteen years old (maybe 17.. possibly 18) I got a letter in the mail. It was from my dad, and in it he talked about how sorry he was for not being there for me. It was really long, and for the first time in my life, I felt a connection to my dad. I started writing him back and after a while of being pen pals, I gave him my number so we could talk on the phone. We have been talking ever since. It's hard to do years and years of catching up over a 20 minute phone call once a week, and sometimes once every other week, but it has been nice. It's good to know that after all this time he is still trying to have a relationship with me. 

So there you have it, Chasity Riquel Lusk comes from a weird, messed up family! I guess I have just kept it a secret for so long because I was scared of what people would think of me, and I also didn't want anyone to judge my mom or dad, because despite everything, I do love them both very much. This is such a hard thing to talk about! I can't believe I am putting it out for the world to see, but I think that this will help me. I wouldn't change anything if I had the chance. I was born into these circumstances for a reason, and I know that I wouldn't be the Chasity that I am today if it weren't for all of this. I love my weird, messed up family and I'm grateful for the experiences I've had up to this point. They have helped me become the person I am today.